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Ask my characters stuff!

Journal Entry: Wed Aug 3, 2011, 6:24 AM
If you dunno who my characters are, I'll give a few.

General Sergei Kaelle, leader of the UCEA and general bastard.
Jarek Kazimir Kamienzky, his head Reformer (in other words, a torturer)
Paladin Mika Kilbride, batshit Hunter Knight
Kazic, ex-slave tribal, now a merc, vicious as all fuck
Colonel Red Herrmann, burns victim and Sergei's old partner
Ragnar, ex-slave tribal, conditioned
Olli Steiner, Sergei's 'pet', really creepy young man
Knight Hunter Ophelia Blackwood, one of Kazic's masters, plasma gunner Hunter Knight
Dr Inke Kaarto, doctor and biomechanic prodigy
Vlad Mikhailovitch Kavelinov, one of the first tribal mutants, I guess
The Rt. Hon. Kurti Littlewood, the Generalissimo of Khaos
Dr Orpheus Oprostan, kind of like Inke but male and magic-using
Dierk Mauer-Francois, prostitute who specialises in S&M
Amwulf Steiner, grumbly Swedish mercenary (not related to Olli)
SS-Sturmbannfuhrer Heinrich Ritter, dead Nazi, acts as a ~knight~ for Kurti (like his last name lol)
Armitage, bodyguard to the crimelord Jericho, is actually a sweetie at heart
Lila Cortez, one of Jericho's hitwomen.


ohhai journal skin.
edited to add titles because the lack of them was bothering me.

  • Listening to: Sabaton - Union
  • Reading: Douglas Rushkoff - Cyberia
  • Playing: Wolfenstein
  • Drinking: Coffee
My laptop is infected by viruses )x AVG and Norton did fuck all to tell me, but hopefully dad will fix it now, or I'll have to take it to a shop. Just so you know.

EDIT - my dad helped me get rid of everything and sorted it all out for me. Everything's all good now, but if there are more problems any time soon, I'll take it to a shop.…
Uganda is considering a law that could make being gay punishable by death or prison. No-one should be persecuted because of how they were born, so please sign this petition. Thanks.
  • Listening to: Laibach - In th Year 2525
  • Reading: My old biology texbook
  • Playing: Half Life 2
Please sign this petition -…
A trans woman (male to female person) was beaten to near death for trying to use the correct bathroom (ladies), and the employees and customers just watched and filmed and did nothing to help her. It pains me to see how disgusting people are. This is an issue very dear to me, and I would be very grateful if you signed this petition to charge the employees for allowing a hate crime to occur. The woman had a seizure and was violently beaten. There is a video on the website, and it shows the lady being beaten up brutally by two other women.
Thank you.

An aside - thank you to all my new watchers and people who have faved my stuff, sorry I've been slow at getting back to you :heart:
  • Listening to: Social Distorion - Angel's Wings
  • Reading: The Last Godfathers
  • Playing: GTAIV
  • Drinking: Beer
Opening theme: Agnostic Front - Gotta Go
From the east coast, to the west coast,
Gotta gotta gotta go!
Two sounds of a revolution,
Gotta gotta gotta go!
In our hearts and in our souls,
Gotta gotta gotta go!
United we stand, divided we fall,
Gotta gotta gotta go!

Personal theme: Biohazard - Dogs of War
I pride myself on my will to survive,
I will fight to stay alive.
We've got the power - destroy or create,
Terminate ourselves with our love for hate.

Friends theme: Lemonheads - Being Around
If I was a haircut, would you wear a hat?
If I was a maid, could I clean your flat?
If I was the carpet, would you wipe for feet?
In time save me from mud off the street?
If you like me, if you love me
Would you get down on your knees and scrub me?
I'm real grubby from just being around

((Yes, he's kind of insecure - he has very few friends, and his best friend is his fuckbuddy lol))

Nemesis' theme: Bad Religion - You
Painted my entire world!
And I!
Don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled!

Love theme: Velvet Underground - I'm Sticking With you
I'm sticking with you
'Cause I'm made out of glue.
Anything that you might do
I'm gonna do to.

(he doesn't love people, though)

Fighting theme: Funker Vogt - Gunman
Now the race is on the run so look out for a man,
Try to catch him in the woods and kill him if you can
Come on, play the game and catch the man,
That is your aim, so do what you can.
I see with eyes of a hunter, no-one can escape,
I'm a devil of a guman, for you it's too late!

Heartbreak theme: Uhm he's not into anyone romantically, and probably will never be, so it's impossible for him to be heartbroken in that way :I

Danger theme: Alice Cooper - Desperado
I'm a gambler, and I'm a runner
But you knew that when you lay down.
I'm a picture of ugly stories,
I'm a killer and I'm a clown.

Step into the street past sundown,
Step into your last goodbye.
You're a target just by living,
$20 will make you die.

Sexy theme: Uhm honestly it's impossible to imagine a sexy song that would suit him.

Depressed theme: He doesn't really get depressed as such - just angry and then resigned. However he gets turned down a lot and spurned by people he creeps on, in his tribe and out :I
Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang (My baby shot me down)

Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

Ultimate form theme: His ultimate form is the same as his REGULAR FORM. In other words HE DOES NOT HAVE A FUCKING ULTIMATE FORM

Flashback theme: Die Toten Hosen - Pushed Again
You're going fast when I wanna go slow,
you make me run when I want to walk.
You're sending me down a rocky road,
I get confused when you start to talk.
I'm feeling pushed again
I'm feeling pushed again

Wedding theme: He's aromantic, why would he get married :I

Defeating nemesis theme: Maybeshewill - Not For Want of Trying (the vocal bit, which is taken from the film 'Network').
We know the air is unfit to breathe, and our food is unfit to eat. We sit watching out TVs whilst some local newscaster tells us that today we had 15 homicides and 63 violent crimes as if that's the way it's supposed to be!  We know things are bad, worse than bad, they're crazy! [...] I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! [...] You've got to say, "I'm a human being, goddamnit! My life has value!". So, I want you to get up now, I want all of you to get up, out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now, and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

Defeat theme: Pearl Jam - Release
Oh dear dad
Can you see me now
I am myself
Like you somehow
I'll ride the wave
Where it takes me
I'll hold the pain
Release me

Final Battle theme: Disturbed - Warrior
Broken down till your hope has died
Beat down 'til victory's mine
Stand up and show me some pride
And now are you ready?
I'm one with the warrior inside
My dominance can't be denied
Your entire world will turn
Into a battlefield tonight

((my dominance... SHOWN BY EAR NIPPING))

Death theme: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Weeping Song
Father, why are all the women weeping?
Oh they are all weeping for their men.
And why are all the men there weeping?
They are weeping back at them.

((he probably remembers weird shit when he's dying :I))

Remembrance theme: Pink Floyd - Time
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day,
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your hometown,
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.
  • Listening to: Agnostic Front - Gotta Go
  • Reading: The Last Godfathers
  • Playing: GTAIV
I'm hopefully going to be volunteering soon - I've applied for three jobs (mentoring a child in a local youth group - it's kind of like a big brother/little brother thing, I guess; offering counselling and help for people who have been bereaved, mainly children and their parents and helping handicapped people do horse riding). The grief counselling people replied now, which is good, and I get a training course.

Also, I'm thinking of starting a book club for 13-16 year olds. Before you ask why those ages:
"Because I'm only eighteen; I didn't want anyone too close to my age because when I was younger, I tried to run a club with people my own age as well as people younger, and it just ended in them going, "you can't tell me what we can and can't read, we're the same age". Also, I wanted it to be for kids who are doing their GCSEs".
Not to mention I don't know many seventeen and eighteen year olds that read young adult books as anything but a guilty pleasure and/or for laughs.
I have some ideas for books already, and have been given some, but I'd like ideas of other YA books with 'issues', if you have any ideas (:
  • Listening to: The Strawbs - the Hangman and the Papist
  • Reading: The Last Godfathers
  • Playing: Pokemon Black
I am 18 at last :I
I wasn't interesting and didn't get drunk. I'm the worst drunk ever. I start off being funny for a short while, then I just swear and swear and swear and swear every fucking other fucking word godfuckingdamnit and then I just get depressed and miserable. Why am I so lame.

And then there was ANGRY LADY in the art shop. I asked if she had any copics in, and she said "no, but we have Promarkers, and they're exactly the same, so get those" (note - promarkers have less colours, have a tiny bullet tip and a massive chisel tip and bleed like hell) and I said, "ah, but I wanted a marker with a brush pen" and she was like "THEY BOTH USE ALCOHOL BASED INK FFFFFFF ALL THE MANGA ARTISTS USE THEM" and I was like "lol I don't draw manga" and then she just glared and said "EVERYONE WHO USES MARKERS DRAW MANGA" and I was like "um , I need to go, thanks, bye!" before she could flip out at me even more for daring to want brush-tipped markers.

I was awake until half three last night watching Arthur what.
  • Listening to: Einsturzende Neubauten - Stella Maris
  • Watching: Deadly 60
  • Playing: Pokemon Platinum
  • Eating: Cucumber
It's my birthday on the 26th.
I will finally be able to drink legally, being 18, and get adequate help for my problems (because as we all know, serious medical issues only arise when you're 18 - before then it's always hormones).

I know from my dad's parents I'm getting an antique campaign writing slope, and my great-great-papa's compass box. From my mum's I'm getting a new MP3 player, and from my parents I'm getting OOOH MYSTERIOUS THING.
No idea about my auntie and uncle on both sides.
Hopefully I'll get money from somewhere or I won't be able to get my tattoo :/…
Have a picture of me and my dog.
  • Listening to: OOMPH! - Beim Ersten Mal Tut's Immer Weh
  • Reading: The Fifth Profession
  • Playing: Fallout New Vegas…
DO IT. And tell me your result.…
And another.

I'm apparently Stefan.
I loev a doctor.
And Inke.
  • Listening to: DTH - Liebeslied
  • Reading: The Fifth Profession
  • Watching: The News
  • Playing: Fallout New Vegas
Your real name: Runar Odin Alice L
Age: 17
Height: 5'5" Dx
Natural hair colour: Brown
Eye colour: Blue-grey
Skin color: Pale, greyish, kind of eew.
Glasses/contacts?: Glasses
Piercings: Left ear: 2x helix, 1x lobe Right ear: 1x helix (retired industrial), 2x lobe. Right lower lip, septum, belly button.
Tattoos: Soon I will get an ouroboros on my side.
Braces: No
Other distinctive markings: My eyes are kind of sunken in and have eyebags D| Uh. Not much else. I am a boring person.
Colour: Green, black, grey.
Band: too many.
Video game: Fallout 3, Fallout New Vegas, POKERMANZ, Left 4 Dead 2, Unreal Tournament, Half Life, Half Life 2, Devil May Cry 2, Resistance 2, Bioshock, Bioshock 2.

Movie: The Pianist, Let the Right One In, the King's Speech, Amadeus.
Book: Too many, once more.
Food: Crisps, lollipops, courgette, fennel, apples, orange, cucumber... all sorts of fruit and veg.
Game on a cell phone: lolwat
Flower: I don't give thought to these things
Scent: lol Old Spice.
Animal: weasels, lynxes, pine martens, wolverines, MUSTELIDS IN GENERAL derp, wolves, snakes, sharks, giraffes, cats, fishing cats, ospreys, gold eagles, harrier hawks
Cereal: Sugar Puffs and KRAVE.
Website: no idea
Cartoon: the Lion King

Play an instrument?: used to play clarinet and acoustic guitar
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?: No
Like to sing?: Yes
Have a job?: Need one
Have a cell phone?: Yes, but never use it.
Like to play sports?: Yes. Target shooting, climbing, badminton
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No
Have a crush on someone?: Yes, but not now
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?: Yes.
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?: No
Have any special talents/skills?: No
Exercise daily?: No
Like school?: I hate college

Sing the alphabet backwards?: No
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?: Is that weird? Yes, I can.
Go a day without food?: Easily
Remember your dreams: Yes
Read music, not just tabs?: Yes
Roll your tongue?: Yes
Eat a whole pizza?: Yes

Won something in the lottery?: No
Snuck out of the house?: No, my parents have never been strict about that :|
Lied to get out of trouble?: No
Had a computer crash?: Yes
Gotten lost in your city?: I don't live in a city, and I got lost on a straight road in London with ohmonday.
Seen a shooting star?: Yes
Been to any other countries?: France, Poland, Wales. I will go to the Netherlands (and kind of Brussels and Germany) with ohmonday soon and Slovenia to see JimPAVLICA (and kind of Austria and Germany).
Had a serious surgery?: Yes - appendix. It was near exploding.
Stolen something important to someone else?: Why would I? No
Solved a rubiks cube?: Yes
Gone out in public in your pajamas?: Yes, for charity
Cried over a girl?: No
Cried over a boy?: Yes
Kissed a random stranger?: No
Hugged a random stranger?: No
Been in a fist fight?: Yes? Kind of? Most people just run off when they realise I'll hit back.
Been arrested?: No
Done drugs?: No
Had alcohol?: Yes
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose: Why milk? No.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?: No
Sneaked into the opposite sex's bathroom?: Yes? No? This is so conflicted for me.
Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?: Yes
Swore at your parents?: Yes
Kicked a guy where it hurts?: No
Been to a casino?: No
Ran over an animal and killed it?: No
Broken a bone?: No
Gotten stitches?: I got my eyebrow glued back together
Had a water balloon fight in winter?: Yes
Made homemade muffins?: Yes
Bitten someone?: Yes
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?: No
Burped in someone's face?: No

Brushed your teeth: This morning
Cried: Yesterday
Went to the bathroom: Half an hour ago?
Saw a movie in a theatre: The other day
Read a book: Yesterday
Had a snow day: In December
Had a party: Uh, three years ago? I never get invited because I'm not cool
Went to a doctor: The other day.
Tripped in front of someone: Yesterday
Went to the grocery store: Today
Got sick: Today
Got cursed: :| what
Called someone: ... a few weeks ago?

Fruit/vegetables: Both
Black/white: Grey
Lights on/lights off: Depends
TV/movie: Film
Body spray/lotion: Lotion?
Cash/cheque: Cash. I fucking hate cheques/
Pillows/blankets: Pillows or my neck dies
Headache/stomach ache: Headache because I've dealt with the agonies of migraines all my life so headaches are nothing
Paint/charcoal: Paints
Chinese food/Mexican food: Mexican
Snow/rain: Snow
Fog/misty: Mist
Rock/rap: Rock
Meat/vegetarian: Veggie
Chocolate/vanilla: Chocolate
Sprinkles/icing: Icing
Cake/pie: Cake
Strawberries/blueberries: Strawberries
Ocean/swimming pool: Ocean
Cookies/muffins: Biscuits (lol this meme has been shat on by England. FILM. BISCUITS)
Wallet/pocket: Pocket
Window/door: ?????
Charles Chaplin/Chespirito: Charlie Chaplain
Pink/purple: Purple
Cat/dog: Both
Long sleeve/short sleeve: Short
Pants/shorts: Trousers
Winter break/spring break: "break" lol americocentralism. I like the spring holidays
Spring/autumn: Autumn
Clouds/clear sky: Clouds
Moon/mars: Moon
Questions/Answers: Questions

Do you believe in love?: Yes?
What's the most important kind of love for you?: The lovey kind?
Have you ever been in love?: No
Been close to love?: No
Ever confessed your feelings to the one you loved?: No
Really badly so that it actually hurts and you cry at night?: No
Are you in a relationship?: No
If so, for how long?: -
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?: No
What was your first kiss like?: Drunk.
How old were you when you got your first kiss?: 15?
Do you think love is worth nothing?: No
Best experience you've ever had with the opposite sex: Friendship? I'm gay xD
If you are single, have you had any boyfriends/girlfriends before?: Yes. They were shit
Have you ever been dumped?: Yes
Have you ever dumped someone?: No

Am: a shitty person
Want: to love myself
Need: affection
Love: Friends
Hate: hate.
Feel: empty. Lol I sound so emo. I WANT TO LOVE MYSELF. FEEL SO EMPTY. But I do.
Did: stuff?
Miss: having friends?
Am annoyed by: many things. I'm a grumpy old man hidden in the body of a grumpy young man.
Would rather: sleep
Am tired of: twatting people
Will always: help people no matter how arseholish they are.

What is your favourite genre of music?: rock, industrial, EBM, heavy metal, hard rock, rap rock, hip hop, classical, britrock, reggae, classic rock, avant garde, ambient, drone.
What time is it now?: 10:29 pm
How much money do you have right now?: In my pockets? Around £5. Altogether? Mind your fucking business.
Are you hungry right now?: No
What are you doing right now?: UM I WONDER HERP DERP
Do you like parades?: No because I don't like crowds
Do you like the moon?: Yes
What are you going to do when you're done with this?: doodle pointless shit
If you could have any magical power what would it be?: I could speak any langauge

Funny?: no
Cool?: no
Pretty?: no - Doc begs to differ.
Sarcastic?: Very
Lazy?: very
Hyper?: no
Friendly?: very
Evil?: lolwat. No
Unforgettable?: no
Smart?: no
Strong?: ish
Talented?: no
Dorky?: yes

High: Sergei :|
Lonely: me
Pen: drawing
Flower: smells
Window: behind me
Psycho: is a chem in Fallout 3 and New Vegas :|
Brain freeze: when I was 12 and had a 'drinking contest' with my friend Josh. We both had a thickshake and we had to drink as much as we could in one go. I won, but we both got the worst brainfreeze
Strange: the Doors.
Art: is my hobby

Sky dive: Yes
Run away?: possibly
Curse at a teacher?: Yes
Not take a shower for a week?: No
Ask someone out?: Yes
Unscrew your cellphone too see what's inside?: Yes
Lie to someone to make them think better of you?: No
Visit a foreign country for more than a month?: Yes. I'll have to when I'm older.
Go scuba diving?: Yes
Write a book?: Done, but it's shit. I'd like to.
Assemble a computer?: If I had help, I'd love to.
Become a rock star?: Too much pressure
Have a long-distance relationship?: Yes
Marry someone you don't know?: No

Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies?: No. I'm that bastard who yells at the kids who do that and threatens to strangle them
How many posters do you have in your room?: 2 - a Pink Floyd one and a Bioshock one. I also have keepsakes (cards from Annetia and ohmonday, stuff from France and Poland, photos, traintickets, drawings from Annetia, ohmonday and JimPAVLICA)
Who else should take this quiz?: People who want to

10 Facts -
1.)  I have a cuddly giraffe called Nick. His friend is a unicorn called Ellis who belongs to ohmonday. He needs a white suit.
2.) One of my guilty pleasures is Rammstein. Probably because I listened to them when I was 14 and it made me obnoxious and speak awful German, and now I'm very mellow and I speak good German, so.
3.) If I go to any youth club, I will ALWAYS end up talking just to the adults. Same in a class. I will be better friends with the teachers than my classmates.
4.) I've seen The Lion King Broadway musical thing live twice :|
5.) I get ill very easily
6.) People are scared of me, apparently. Because I frown without realising I do and wear big boots.
7.) I wrote a novel about a creepy dead man and his creepy relationship with his ex-assistant.
8.) I always want hugs.
9.) I used to be obnoxious. Very obnoxious. But I had friends. How does this work?
10.) I get the Double Rainbow and Bed Intruder songs in my head all the time ):
  • Listening to: Edwin Starr - War (LOL REALLY?)
  • Reading: This compilation of Sandman stories
  • Playing: Fallout New Vegas
Eh, irl.
What shit.
I've been doing loads around the house and with mum, because she's at this stage where she can go around with her stick (walking the dog with me, going to town with me), and it's been exhausting. When she's not asking to go out, I am given chores constantly, which I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't a case of *does chore* *sits for a few seconds* *is given another* constantly.
We've had more than a few spats because I asked if I could have time alone walking the dog or shopping, or if I could do a chore after having a sit down, which always ends in me getting incredibly upset and mum refusing to apologise or give me a hug or say "I love you" after I do the same. I sound stupid, but it really hurts a lot for me.
Not to mention most things I do are unthanked.

Anyway, after going completely sdfhgsdfsdhf and not wanting to have to wait for the mental health services to contact me any more, I called the mental health services and got told I couldn't have normal help because I'm not eighteen enough yet, so they put me onto a child psych and I'm seeing him later today about getting a therapist in order for me.
  • Listening to: Icon of Coil - Thrillcapsule
  • Reading: I honestly don't remember :|
  • Watching: Some shitty property programme
  • Playing: Fallout New Vegas
Because JimPAVLICA did it and said to do Dierk, lovely man.

Opening theme: OOMPH! - Geboren zu Sterben (born to die)
Wir sind für kurze Zeit hier eingefädelt
und dann verliern wir unsern Faden wieder
Wir sind für kurze Zeit hier eingefädelt
und dann verbrennt man unsere kalten Glieder
(we are here for a short time weaved in,
Then we lose our thread again
we are here for a short time weaved in,
And then they burn our cold limbs)

Personal theme: Hellacopters - Hopeless Case of a Kid in Denial
Yeah I'm a liar and I'm a cheat
Real sore loser can't stand defeat
There ain't a thing that i'll pass my rejection
Getting real close to denial perfection
I know it doesn't show
But it's time I let you know
Hopeless case of a kid in denial

Friends theme: Combichrist - Sent to Destory
Iron boots, we're walking tall
With pride we'll walk all over you
Steel grip, we'll hold you down,
On a leash, we're coming through.
Metal teeth, diamond smile,
Mechanical jaws and 2-ton bite
With winter frost, an atomic pile
We'll stand our ground where the big dogs fight.

Nemesis' theme: (he doesn't have one)

Love theme: Rammstein - Ich tu dir weh (I hurt you. ...on the recieving end derp)
Ich tu dir weh
tut mir nicht leid
Das tut dir gut
Hoert wie es schreit.
Du bist das Schiff,
Ich der Kapitaen.
Wohin soll denn die Reise gehen?
Ich sehe im Spiegel dein Gesicht.
Du liebst mich, denn ich lieb dich nicht.

(I hurt you,
I'm not sorry,
It does you good
Hear it scream.
You are the ship,
I, the captain.
Where will we go to journey?
I see your face in the mirror.
You love me because I don't love you)

Fighting theme: Disturbed - Indestructible
You will be shown
How I've become
Determination that is incorruptible
From the other side a terror to behold
Annihilation will be unavoidable
Every broken enemy will know
That their opponent had to be invincible
Take a last look around while you'r alive
I'm an indestructible
Master of war

Heartbreak theme: Apocalyptica -  Not Strong Enough
And it's killing me when you're away
I don't wanna leave, I don't wanna stay
I'm so confused, so hard to choose
Between the pleasure and the pain
And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right
Even if I try to win the fight
My heart would overrule my mind
And I'm not strong enough to stay away.

Danger theme: King Crimson - 21st Century Schizoid Man
Cat's foot
Iron claw
Neurosurgeons scream for more
At paranoia's poison door
21st century schizoid man.

Sexy theme: Panzer AG - Tip the Dancer
It's okay to watch, just don't touch.
It's okay to touch, just don't taste.
It's okay to taste, just don't bite.
It's okay to bite, just don't enjoy.
Hey, man, you better change your attitude.
You better tip the dancer.
Hey, man, You better change your attitude.
You better tip the dancer, too.

Depressed theme: Simon and Garfunkel - I am a Rock
Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I wont disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain.
And an island never cries.

Ultimate form theme: (what this is not fucking DBZ)

Flashback theme: Pink Floyd - Shine on You Crazy Diamond
Remember when you were young
You shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there's a look in your eyes like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.

Wedding theme: (he never gets married)

Defeating nemesis theme: (as I said, no nemesis)

Defeat theme: Panzer AG - Among the Few
All my regrets are buried in ashes
My lust for life killed it all
I spread my arms, I fill my lungs with air,
I can hear my bones brush against the reefs
Please understand, I've got nothing left to give you
Until the end, until we meet again
But soon, my friend, i will meet you by the river

Final Battle theme: (lolidek)

Death theme: Combichrist - Fuckmachine
You're such a dirty whore
You're such a dirty whore
You're such a fucking slut
You're a filthy slut
You're my fuck toy
You're a fucking toy
You'll get what you deserve
That's fucking beautiful

(jsyk, a customer kills Dierk when he goes a bit too far)

Remembrance theme: Pink Floyd - Dogs
Deaf, dumb, and blind, you just keep on pretending
That everyone's expendable and no-one has a real friend.
And it seems to you the thing to do would be to isolate the winner
And everything's done under the sun,
And you believe at heart, everyone's a killer.
Who was born in a house full of pain.
Who was trained not to spit in the fan.
Who was told what to do by the man.
Who was broken by trained personnel.
Who was fitted with collar and chain.
Who was given a pat on the back.
Who was breaking away from the pack.
Who was only a stranger at home.
Who was ground down in the end.
Who was found dead on the phone.
Who was dragged down by the stone.
Who was dragged down by the stone.
  • Listening to: Combichrist - Fuck that Shit
  • Reading: Legacy
  • Playing: Fallout New Vegas
One of those fact things because I'm bored:

1. I used to want to be a military pilot, but then I realised that putting me in front of an expensive machine isn't a good idea.
2. One of my eyes is fucked up. Just one (left). It's slightly lazy, and I have glasses which I barely ever wear (I think the right lens is just... fake, lol, and the left is a proper one or I'd have to wear a monocle or some shit derp). More reasons I can't be a pilot.
3. I'm bad tempered but hate getting cross with people, so that tends to manifest as me crying.
4. I'm ALSO an utter sap. I cried watching the Sinking of the Laconia because they gave the Captain of the U-Boat a wooden Iron Cross wat. JimPAVLICA can confirm this. I also tend to cry when my friends cry, which just turns into a vicious circle of tears.
5. I cope with bad news well, however. I just go all blank, I guess. Basically, I don't express the correct emotions at the appropriate times?
6. I have weird, bendy thumbs. I can twist them over the thumbknuckle-bit.
7. Right now I highly doubt I'll be a diplomat because my head, so I'll probably go for being a Red Cross medic (as in, the International Committee of the Red Cross, not the British Red Cross) or a combat medic if I can't do that for whatever reason.
8. I sometimes dream in French and German. These dreams, for whatever reason, involve me talking with a French or German person who corrects me on a simple word, saying  I have it wrong and it is, in fact, another word. For example, "Hund ist das falsche Wort. Sprich 'Tag'" (Dog is the wrong word. Say day) when I'm trying to say dog. It's really frustrating for me for some reason.
9. I came out to mes parents not so long ago (: I need to tell my sister, but knowing her and her motormouth, she'll tell everyone the wrong thing.
10. I've had the Bed Intruder song in my head all damn day :iconraegplz:

Ask questions about my characters. DO IT.
  • Listening to: Bed Intruder song
  • Reading: Legacy
  • Playing: Fallout New Vegas
You know what's wonderful? Seeing a picture of the bitches who excluded me/bullied me/generally upset me in college looking like cocks. It's like BAHAHAHAHAHA. Their badly dyed blonde hair that is frazzled and gross looking, two with gun pierced noses that look all red and infected, their stupid duckfaces, make up caked on... etc. Using pseudo-intellectual words (randomly inserting 'rather', in other words), trying to look cool, wearing leggings as trousers, whining when people take the piss even though they do worse, failing tests and taking it out on me because I get better grades.
I'm such an angry bastard, I know, but they deserve more than me mocking them on their ~online journal~.
I just hope I make friends when I go back to college.

In other news, I got a special edition copy of Bioshock 2 for £20 0: It has the game, a CD of the soundtrack, an LP of the soundtrack, an art book and three posters.
I also got Fallout New Vegas, forgot that I'm not awesome any more, and got killed by flies :| Fucking flies. I'm getting on better now, though, and I'm nearly level 5. OOOHHH. And I'm still stuck with cack weapons (generic hunting rifle and a 9mm pistol with no add ons, I also have a laser pistol just in case, and a knife), and my armour is leather, but unfortunately I'm not badass enough to survive in that, really xD
I need to grab a companion as well o__o Raul has 100% repair, so I'll probably nab him (also, if I'm still not over OMG THIS IS NOT FALLOUT 3 STEFAN IS NOT OPHELIA I AM A MEMBER OF LYON'S PRIDE SHUT YOUR BIGOT MOUTH Raul works as a replacement for Charon). Or I'll find Arcade Gannon, he seems pretty cool 0:
  • Listening to: Dr Steel - Fibonacci Sequence
  • Reading: Warm Bodies
  • Playing: Fallout New Vegas
Did all you Christmas celebrating people have a good Christmas?

As usual, the line up:

Picture book JimPAVLICA illustrated, written my some random Slovenian child neither of us know.
Pankrti CD (FUCK I've forgotten which one - my dad has all my Xmas CDs atm so I can't check)
Drawings from Doc (I haven't been able to show all of them to my sis because ~adult humour~ lol)
Wooden puzzle which is pretty looking and awesome.
Giraffe called Nick who is cuddly.
An MLP who is keeping my books company.
Visit to London Zoo.
Hammer and Tickle, which is a book about the history of Communism told through Communist jokes.
Combichrist - Making Monsters (The CD and DVD special edition)
VNV Nation CD
Funker Vogt - Navigator (such a cool metal tin with a U Boat on. This one came late and because dad couldn't find wrapping paper he wrapped it with the remains of a pizza box xDD)
Revolting Cocks CD
Front Line Assembly CD
Spawn Soundtrack
The Crow Soundtrack
Einsturzende Neubauten CD
(Possibly one other I can't remember because Dad has my CDs atm)
Money (£95, from various family members)
A WHSmith giftcard for £15

Also, as an unexpected joint present, my sister and myself bot Guitar Hero 5, and the game for GHIII (which I've nearly finished already xD).


Also, I've been getting ridiculously upset over things and very paranoid recently ):
  • Listening to: The Vandals - Oi! to the world
  • Reading: Elie Wiesel - Night
  • Watching: The Incredibles is on TV
  • Playing: Guitar Hero III
asdfghjgfdsdfghj I have issues I swear. I was like this for years after my bloody guinea pig died.

Anyway. In the UK, there's a soap called Hollyoakes that focuses on British youth (idk, I used to watch it all the time when I worked in the DVD rental shop, but I left and now I barely watch TV). One of the characters is a trans man called Jason (most know him as Jasmine, but whatever). I think Jason came out as a guy to his parents and friends and shit and basically they've been like "YOU'RE A FREAK I WILL NEVER TALK TO YOU EVER AGAIN AND YOUR NAME IS JASMINE BTW NOT JASON" (brother) or "WHERE DID THIS ALL COME FROM YOU JUST WANT ATTENTION" (parents).

I started getting a bit panicky since my dad asked me to explain trans people to my sister (I was scared my sister would act negatively, but she understands) but since all these negative reactions that have been happening to Jason on the show, I've been getting really freaked out and panicky because I can relate to a fair bit of it and I start flipping out, going, "what is my sister thinks that? What if my parents will act like that? What if what if what if".

I've tried telling my parents before (albeit I said "somewhere outside the ~regular~ gender spectrum"), but my dad's reaction was basically "your mum was boyish as a teenager" and my mum's was something along the lines of "it's a phase". I'm shit scared of outright being "I AM A MAN" even though my parents aren't bigoted dicks or anything.

Now whenever the show is on, I get all... cold sweat like and start shaking and stuff because I'm kind of scared my parents or sister will make some disparaging remark about Jason, or something bad will happen to him on the show that will terrify me (I'm ridiculous, I know, but my level of paranoia about things is waaaay over the healthy line) like someone murdering him or being sent to a quack who tells him everything he's saying is bollocks or something I don't even know.

So every time it comes on, I have to leave the room because I'm stupid (this relates to my guinea pig who died when I was 9 or so, because I thought his death was my fault - he died of old age btw - and I used to hate people talking about it; I got really freaked out). And it came on whilst I was in the same room as my parents and I swear I was going to cry and tell them, and dad went "there's the trans person thingy Ellie was confused about - her parents are horrible to her", and I was just like "He's a boy, not a 'her'" and dad looked taken aback, probably because I said it quite firmly. Anyway, on the show his parents were being dicks and I had to leave the room because there were so many obvious parallels to me - we both lopped all our hair off, we both stopped wearing make up, both started layering and wearing mens' clothes and binding our chests...

Anyway. The thing is, I want to tell my parents, especially because college will be calling me by the male pronouns, calling me Runar, putting my gender correctly, letting me use the disable toilets if I'm too afraid to use the mens' but don't want to call question by going to the ladies' etc.
But I don't know if I want to tell them this near to Christmas. I doubt they'd be like "you ruined our christmas", but I imagine things could end being a tad awkward.

What do you think? ):
  • Listening to: Foxy Shazam - Dangerous Man
  • Reading: Elie Wiesel - Night
  • Playing: Resistance 2
I'm back from seeing ohmonday and we had a wonderful, magical time well spent killing zombies and going to the zoo and getting lost in the Imperial War Museum and almost starving and buying jam tarts that were actually just... jam in a pastry case and talking in southern accents and judging children.
Alex's bed is godly and DAMN I miss it, it was so comfy and nice and warm. So comfy, it made me do weird throat snore things, apparently (this is abnormal). Also so comfy that we always ended up getting up late even if Alex's mum called us to see if we were up.

I actually got back yesterday, but I was knackered from my shit journey on the train with the obnoxiously loud teens and the 40-something woman who kept flirting with these young men who must have been... 19 or so :| I hate trains after spending a week getting a train almost every day. The poor people had to put up with the dreadful southern accents we were putting on, though.

A crazy tramp followed us into a shop and asked Alex if they remembered Sweden. It was fucking weird and slightly scary because he was getting very heated about it.
And we spent some of every day playing L4D2. Best days were when we would get up at 11, play L4D2 in bed until... three or so, and only then bother to get up xD So lazy, but so good.

Much more happened, and I tried to write a journal on the train, but it ended up HAVING ALL THE LENGTH, so I typed this one out from scratch.

You are the faaahhnest thing Ah ever sat between.ahloveyew
  • Listening to: Rammstein - Sonne
  • Reading: Elie Wiesel - Night
  • Watching: Some shitty Christmas film
  • Playing: Fallout 3, missing L4D2
  • Eating: Chipsticks
Just to let you know, I'll be gone for a week (10th - 17th) with my friend ohmonday c: I think their internet can be temperamental so don't count on me being online, but I'll try. We're going to London to have ORGANISED FUN in London. I am SRSEXCITE.
  • Listening to: Bad Religion - Infected
  • Reading: Infected lololol my own writing
Yay, I just finished my NaNoWriMo C:
  • Listening to: Bad Religion - Infected
  • Reading: Infected lololol my own writing
  • Watching: Some shitty kid's TV show is on the TV
I have horrible dreams.
In said dream I was in this room full of family and friends, and I killed myself and none of them did anything to help/stop me.
And then when I woke up it got ~better~ in the sense that mum made me do all the housework before I had a chance to get a damn drink of water or food, and when I finally get online, I end up finding some prick who others LGBTQA people and I'm just sick of all this shittery because it doesn't even make sense half of the time and it makes me feel like I'll never have a fucking place in life and will never be able to be a diplomat and the amount of trans folk forced into prostitution or who commit suicide or are murdered scares the shit out of me dsdgfshgfhsdfgsffs.

It sounds like I'm whining pointlessly, but everything seems to build up and add on top of each other and this whole year, since mum got ill, my life has been absolutely shit, apart from ohmonday visiting and a few other small things (and I'm seeing them next month for a week this time yessss not to mention I'm seeing JimPAVLICA in Feb).

  • Listening to: Bad Religion - Infected
  • Reading: Infected lololol my own writing
  • Watching: Some shitty kid's TV show is on the TV